When you have chronic illnesses life is not predictive or perfect but I am choosing to make it be imperfectly beautiful.
Once again I wake with a pounding head, cloudy brain, swollen face and aching bones. I sigh with disappointment as I realize I have once again ruined our plans for swimming and canoeing with my love this Saturday. “Lord, help me handle this disappointment and choose again to have joy today because on my own so hard.”
I shuffle out of our bedroom and to the bathroom where I take two Benadryl to help sleep off my mast cell reaction and migraine. As I shuffle back towards our bed , I say “Good morning” to Joel.
One look at me he understands today is going to be a down day, “That fragrant waitress really impacted you last night. I’m so sorry, Hon.” as he snuggles me in an understanding and comforting hug. He kisses me and I stumble back to bed to sleep off the symptoms thinking how grateful I am for such a loving, supportive husband.
Hours later, I emerge from the cocoon of pillows and blankets. Still draggy and achy but my headache is more of a constant dull ache rather than the incapacitating migraine. “I am sorry I ruined our plans once again.”
“Our plans are not ruined just rearranged. It is a three day weekend for me since I took Monday off so we can try again then if you feel up to it. Remember God sovereignly planned this for both of our lives for our eternal good and His glory.”
That scenario I just described has played out so many times over the last 12 years. We have missed social events, conferences, church and outings. Sometimes Joel attends without me with my blessing. But my daily practice on waking of praying for God to give me joy and be able to find at least three things each day I am grateful for. changes my focus from me and my circumstances and puts it on my gracious an sovereign God. I can, because of those daily prayers and choosing focus on the good and lovely things, have a life of joy and laughter. My life is truly imperfectly beautiful.
I smile and am hopeful by Monday we can enjoy our outing. I reflect again how consistently inconsistent my life with Mast Cell disease can be.
How has God brought beauty, joy or grace to your imperfect life? Do you see the beauty in an imperfect day?
P.S. we were able to go swimming and canoeing on Monday.